In Control: Dangerous Relationships and How They End in Murder

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In this book, Monckton-Smith shares a glimpse into a world of toxic masculinity and coercive control, one in which the tools are shame and fear, helped along by a media and justice system who are far from shedding sexist notions of men and women's roles in society. Had I read this book or something like it years ago, it would've opened my eyes to my own, thankfully short coercive relationship.

Early on, he blamed past relationship failures on his ex-girlfriend, without acknowledging his own role. The book reminds us that coercive control is often difficult to identify and understand, despite its recognition in law. e. all of us) is becoming more aware that domestic violence is a bigger, and more complex, issue than previously perceived and I would like this book to be required reading for a far wider group of people - it is only going to be through understanding that the outcomes for more victims can be changed.You can change your choices at any time by visiting Cookie preferences, as described in the Cookie notice. Jane Monkton Smith considers the progress that has been made in how society handles domestic abuse then goes on to argue that so much more can be done. I'm certainly not saying that the relationships documented in the book are the norm, but their prevalence shocked me. It’s due to the way that we have understood domestic abuse as an anger management problem – it’s spontaneous, when somebody’s been drinking or after an argument. It is time to realise that the "crime of passion" is a myth, that domestic abuse is a heinous crime, that coercive control leaves people (predominantly women and children) live in constant fear.

Powerful and insightful book about coercive control and domestic violence, written in such an accessible way, using case studies sensitively. Stage 4 is the trigger and this is perhaps where it becomes personal, a head of state decides they have an entitlement to something (lebensraum? It is disappointing and scary to realise that there are endless examples of this controlling behaviour and abuse that can be drawn upon. Yes, if you define the crime of passion as a spontaneous response to some kind of trigger, confrontation or challenge: you act spontaneously and you grab the nearest weapon and things turn out in a way that nobody could have predicted. An extremely interesting and important book, showing how control and coercion can lead to abuse and murder.For example, the constant need for validation from the partner in the relationship guaranteed by the perpetrator's threat of suicide (Stage 3), and when the partner is firmly within the perpetrators grasp of control (Stage 5), there is a sudden change of behavioural pattern like no longer needing to go through the daily rituals as a couple together and even giving the controlled spouse more freedom (Stage 6) and murder/manslaughter takes place in the most violent manner - stabbing in broad daylight being one occurrence (Stage 8).

After a murder the attention usually goes to the perpetrator and it is surprising how revealing it is to look at a crime from a different perspective. I spend part of my working days travelling to and from visits as a Safeguarding Social Worker; for me listening to audiobooks has become a source of education and escapism. If you don't believe that feminism is still needed in this day and age, please, I urge you to read this book. You’ve got someone who’s willing and happy to have arguments and the victim will do anything to avoid arguing with this person. But while reading this it made me think differently about four very different people, friends and those whom I crossed paths with during my life, who lived with some of the danger signs.It is insidious and damaging and all of us as a collective are responsible for ensuring we are doing our part in preventing it. That they shouldn't be free to rampage through their messy selfish lives destroying or harming pretty much every human being they cross paths with. The author describes the case of Kasia, whose death was initially identified as being caused by suicide by illegal drug use, despite her having no history of drug misuse. obviously, this book deals with some heavy subject matter and because Monckton-Smith uses real life examples this book definitely comes with some trigger warnings, including domestic violence, rape, murder, forced pregnancy, child abuse, emotional blackmail and manipulation, gaslighting and stalking.