When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: How to Cope--Using the Skills of Systematic Assertive Therapy

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Fortunately for those who want to transform unhealthy responsibility into healthy responsibility, there are internal signals that alert you when you are possibly falling prey to misconceptions about responsibility. Two of those signals are guilt and resentment. Guilt and resentment often reflect an anxiety around saying no that comes from feeling responsible for the other person’s reaction. When you feel guilt and resentment, you have an opportunity to reflect on whether you are fulfilling your responsibilities in saying ‘no.’ If so, you must try, try, try, to … let go. You can read more about making conscious decisions by reading our article The Assertive Choice Triangle. Others Assertive Rights It is your job to get the support that you need to take care of yourself emotionally and physically, and protect your children, if and when there is danger from a person reacting badly to a ‘no’.

When I say no, I feel guilty by Manuel J. Smith | Open Library When I say no, I feel guilty by Manuel J. Smith | Open Library

This means that we can make the decisions as to whether we should help other people fix issues or problems that they have – even if we are directly asked for help and support. The merit of Joe’s argument is as compelling now as it was twenty years ago…and I agree with it! Long-winded technical or mystical explanations are often intriguing and even literary, but not only are they unnecessary, they actually complicate without adding a jot to our understanding. To use what psychology does have to offer, it is more important to know what will work, not why it will work. For example, in treating patients, I find that it is typically useless to concentrate a lot on why a patient is in trouble; that tends to be academic masturbation and can go on for years with no beneficial results. It may even be harmful. It is much more beneficial to concentrate on what the patient is going to do about his behavior rather than to understand why he behaves as he does! In fact, assertive communication is being straightforward, to state openly, clearly and honestly what you would like to happen, but not demanding it. It means to respect and affirm your needs and feelings whilst listening to the needs and feelings of others.Vol. 2 published by A Train Press and the Institute for Systematic Assertive Training and Human Development. I can pretty wholeheartedly recommend this to anyone—awesome assertiveness training, very straightforward with simple techniques and very good practical examples. FOGGING alone is worth getting into it. This is basically the antidote to codependency and manipulation. Building empathy and helping others are a few ways you can be a better person. But becoming a “better” person doesn’t mean you’re a “bad” person. READ MORE Everyone else has the same rights as you do, meaning they also need to be assertive to have their rights. By becoming aggressive, you are violating their rights, if you become passive, they have the opportunity to violate your rights. This is much more in relation to our responses to others. We may choose to manipulate others when they use their rights. If we do, then we are not being assertive. Further Learning a: it's bad for you, since it means that your thoughts aren't being heard, and you often end up doing something you don't want to

When I Say No, I Feel Guilty | Random House Group

Auditory hallucinations can be difficult to cope with. But tips, like writing in a diary or positive self-talk, may help you manage your symptoms. READ MORE The ‘no’ could be something minor or something major. It could be your saying to your girlfriend ‘no, I don’t want to go out to dinner tonight,’ or saying to your child ‘no, you can’t have an iPhone,’ or saying to your mother, ‘no, we’re not coming at Christmas this year,’ or saying to your spouse, ‘no, I don’t want to be married to you anymore.’ These ‘no’s’ may bring a range of reactions, from ‘sure, no problem’, to ‘I hate you,’ to ‘if you divorce me I will make your life hell forever.’ grandmother used to say, you can always find something wrong with someone else if you really want to.”q: arbitrary rules society has adopted to provide negative consequences for behavior that society wishes to suppress The manipulative behavior prompted by these expectations can also be seen in the general nonclinical population. These childish expectations and their consequent behavior deny us much of our dignity and self-respect as human beings. If we have the same expectations about ourselves as our manipulators do, we surrender to them our dignity and self-respect, the responsibility for governing our own existence, and the control over our own behavior.”

When I Say No, I Feel Guilty - Goodreads A quote from When I Say No, I Feel Guilty - Goodreads

El libro es de 1975 y estas técnicas son las que se usan hoy día para aprender a ser asertivos. Es más, a veces incluso los psicólogos te cuentan sólo tres. De hecho en mi terapia fue así, me hablaron de Banco de Niebla, Aserción Negativa e Interrogación Negativa, que son muy importantes, pero el resto de técnicas del libro también lo son. Ya que la asertividad trata de hablar de tus sentimientos y comprender los del otro. De ir más allá de la lógica para hallar soluciones dónde parecía no haberlas. De ser consciente de que no puedes aspirar a ser perfecto. Think of all of the things you're saying "yes" to when you say "no." You don't have to look at saying "no" as a negative thing. If you're saying "no" to doing more work, you're saying "yes" to a variety of things that will benefit your life. If you think of all of the things that will be better off from you saying "no," you will feel less guilty. Here are a few of them:Being assertive can help remind us that we are the only ones who can judge our actions and help us dismiss any misconceptions. By doing so, we can better deal with the objections of others and return any item we want. I read this book because I think assertiveness and achieving your goals in the face of other's indifference and/or mild opposition is an important skill. Right off the bat, the first chapter of this book annoyed me, because I felt that there was a lot of speculation, especially about a) the causes of depression and b) the idea that childhood interaction patterns have an inordinately large effect on your adult life. Therefore, I practiced my assertive right to skip it -- and I recommend that you consider doing that too! Feeling good about yourself is a major goal of assertiveness therapy. Once we feel good about ourselves, our ability to cope with conflict "snowballs."